When I was about to enter my first year of primary school, a specialist told me I would be unable to pass the first grade. I cried. Later I was able to get a four-year honours degree, to be published, to be in the labour market and travel to 50 countries all over the world. Perhaps it is sweet revenge.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It meant I had high-functioning autism. To be honest, back then the difference between Asperger’s and high-functioning autism always seemed quite nebulous. In practical terms it’s often simpler to say, “I have autism,” rather than name a syndrome few people outside psychiatry recognize.
I had never known before that autism was something that could describe me. I never made eye contact with anyone. I still don’t with many people, to be honest. Fine motor skills are very, very difficult. I am still unable to tie my shoelaces correctly. Were there any cases of autism in my family? I will probably never know.
Going to summer camp is a fun experience for most children. For me, sleepaway summer camps were a horrible experience. I was in a state of anxiety and distress. It was like a form of post traumatic stress disorder. One thing that unites people with autism is the vast majority experience sensory overload.
I avoid movie theatres. Nightclubs are worse. I’m never quite sure if I can handle attending a hockey game. I avoid Costco. I use custom-made earplugs designed for musicians to reduce ambient noise.
A rapid change in barometric pressure can affect how I feel physically or mentally. At school there was a correlation between days that had massive changes in barometric pressure, and days I felt moody, agitated or depressed.
When I was growing up, specialists were frankly clueless about autism, in part because of what I would consider the Rain Man syndrome. It was a great film with excellent acting and deserves all the praise it received at the time, but it associated autism with people who don’t speak much and are good at counting cards. A majority of people on the autism spectrum don’t have a photographic memory.
Some people on the autism spectrum are indeed gifted in specific things. I started to speak very late, but almost immediately in complete sentences. I learned numbers by watching the Weather Channel. I started reading the Yellow Pages at age 3. I know all the world capitals at age 4. I read at an adult level by age 6.
I love timetables. I love order and data. Just seeing timetables makes me happy. I have always loved maps. I see them as windows to the world. I am a big fan of subways.
When I was 7 my parents and I went to New York City. I memorized the travel book. It was a fantastic trip. At 11 I guided a group of adults through Athens by public transport. This was before Google Maps and smartphones, when the only way to know a transit system was to study the maps.
Everyone is different on the autism spectrum. We need to forge our path to happiness. Never give up. Even when the tunnel seems endless, winding and narrow, there is always light at the end.
(Editor’s note: Mathieu Vaillancourt is author of Finding Patterns: The Story Of My Life On The Autism Spectrum, ISBN 9798-24402-8041)
