Will Investigate CERB Kids

Parliament’s Budget Officer yesterday said CERB payments to high schoolers will be investigated. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau did not comment on $635.9 million in relief cheques to children, but called the pandemic “potentially scarring” for young people: “That is why we moved forward with unprecedented measures, with the CERB for students for example.”

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Canada’s E-Post To Disband

Canada Post’s pioneering e-post electronic document sharing service launched with fanfare decades ago as “Canada’s first electronic mailbox” will be disbanded, the post office confirmed yesterday. Officials did not detail costs or net revenues of the program overtaken by Google and other competitors: “Other companies are now better suited to meet Canadians’ changing needs.”

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Must Police Internet ‘Harms’

Parliament must “protect against social harms” on the internet with regulation of hurtful Facebook and Twitter remarks, a federally-funded commission yesterday recommended. Even a member of the commission objected to the proposal as federal over-reach: “The regulator will need to have both bark and bite.”

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Approval Rating Falls To 51%

The RCMP has seen “erosion” of public confidence in its leadership since the appointment of Brenda Lucki as $368,000-a year Commissioner, says in-house research. “We’re not a perfect organization,” Lucki earlier testified at the Commons public safety committee.

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Drug Dealers Take Sales Hit

Drug traffickers’ sales for the first time were eclipsed by legal cannabis distribution in 2020 after Parliament legalized marijuana, according to records. The Department of Health said the “displacement of the illegal market” will take much longer: “It will take time.”

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Paid Children $636M In CERB

The Canada Revenue Agency paid $635,980,000 in pandemic relief to high schoolers including thousands of Grade Nine students, according to Access To Information records. Parliament passed a hastily-drafted Canada Emergency Response Benefit Act that allowed children to apply, though cabinet said $2,000 relief cheques were supposed to help jobless workers facing eviction or foreclosure: ‘It was to pay for groceries or rent.’

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Future Frightening, MPs Told

Canada’s airline industry faces “frightening” long-term consequences due to delays in federal aid, the Commons transport committee was told yesterday. Unions appealed for relief for an industry that’s seen a ninety percent decline in traffic: “We are completely pissed off.”

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Urged Cuts To Cash For Life

Cabinet ignored its own in-house report recommending an end to cash-for-life expense accounts for ex-governors general, records show. The Canadian Taxpayers Federation yesterday released the report through Access To Information: “It’s absolutely crazy.”

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Confused By The Carbon Tax

A Department of Finance executive responsible for the nation’s fiscal planning yesterday claimed the carbon tax is exempt from GST. It’s not. One MP expressed incredulity over confusion at the department that introduced the levy: “I’m sorry?”

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Fired Over 50-Cent Thefts

A labour arbitrator has ordered the University of Saskatchewan to rehire an immigrant janitor fired for pocketing fifty-cent cleaning rags. The dismissal followed a month-long hidden camera investigation: “I cannot sleep because of my mistake and I accept that what I did was wrong.”

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Silent On Failed Exec’s Bonus

Authorities yesterday would not disclose bonus payments to Tina Namiesniowski, failed $273,000-a year former president of the Public Health Agency. Namiesniowski resigned days ahead of a now-disclosed audit that found confusion and mismanagement at the Agency responsible for pandemic preparedness: “This deeply disturbing report exposes extensive disarray and sometimes chaos.”

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Demand Answers On Vaccine

The Commons health committee last night voted 11-0 to summon two cabinet members for questioning over pandemic vaccines. Cabinet’s own forecasts show just eight percent of Canadians eligible for vaccination will be able to get a Covid shot by March 31: “I mean, vaccines are the number one issue facing the country right now.”

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Immigration Hike Is Divisive

Canadians are divided on a proposal to hike immigration quotas eighteen percent. In-house research by Minister Marco Mendicino’s department found a large number of Canadians, including immigrants, opposed the increase: “Prioritize Canadian workers until Canada’s economy recovers.”

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Deloitte Never Disqualified

The Department of Public Works approved millions in contracts to Deloitte under a Government-Wide Integrity Regime though company subsidiaries have been fined for misconduct. SNC-Lavalin Group Inc. was also exempted from the federal blacklist: “We are aware of information relating to violations.”

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