Vow Border Cops Are Ready

Federal police yesterday said they are prepared to fend off any rush of illegal immigrants from the United States once Donald Trump is sworn into office next Monday. Some 700,000 illegal immigrants currently reside in border states, by U.S. estimate: “How do we do that?”

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Mexico ‘Refugees’ Down 97%

Refugee claims by Mexicans have fallen 97 percent since cabinet reintroduced visas on airline passengers in 2024, Immigration Minister Marc Miller said yesterday. Neither Miller nor his department would detail figures but said the improvement was dramatic: “Do you regret not doing it earlier?”

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Dep’t Denies March Madness

A one-day purchase of more than $523,000 worth of furniture by Foreign Minister Mélanie Joly’s department last March 31 had nothing to do with the end of the budget year, staff claim in a briefing note. Federal managers have long denied “March Madness,” the hurried squandering of unspent funds in the final hours of the fiscal year: “You spend money you have rather than let it lapse.”

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Drinkers Don’t Listen: Report

Too many Canadians are ignoring federal guidelines on drinking, says a Department of Health report. About a fifth of adults, especially young Canadians in their 20s, were ignoring government recommendations on alcohol consumption: “Alcohol is the most commonly used psychoactive substance among Canadian.”

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Feds Polled Home Equity Tax

Cabinet quietly polled Canadians on a home equity tax even after promising it would not introduce the measure, records disclose. Cabinet aides commissioned focus groups on the question as Prime Minister Justin Trudeau attended an invitation-only meeting with home equity tax advocates in Vancouver last June: “We can all learn from each other.”

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MP Silent On 2015 Complaint

Government House Leader Karina Gould yesterday would not disclose records regarding a human rights case in which she complained of an inability to get along with co-workers. Gould is contemplating a bid to become Prime Minister: ‘She describes a series of incidents in which she believes she was treated unfairly.’

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Electric Car Mandate Is Kaput

Automakers and dealers alike yesterday said Environment Minister Steven Guilbeault’s electric car mandate is finished. Forecasts of ever-increasing sales are “a complete fantasy” after cabinet pulled $5,000 rebates for new buyers, said industry executives: ‘It is a made-in-Canada policy failure.’

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‘My Hands Are Soiled’: Adler

Senator Charles Adler (Man.) in a podcast interview said he is in disbelief “my hands would be soiled” with race hatred for First Nations. Adler, near tears with his voice breaking, said he was resigned to being known as a radio host who called Indigenous Manitobans lazy boneheads: “I am ashamed of myself.”

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Files Hidden To Protect Nazis

Federal archivists in an Access To Information memo say they are concealing more than a million pages of records on Nazi collaborators in Canada to protect “individuals determined to be innocent” of actual war crimes. Cabinet had promised German researchers in 2009 that all Holocaust-related files would be released: “People want answers.”

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Call A War A War, Write MPs

Canada should honour volunteers who served in the 1990 Persian Gulf conflict as legitimate wartime veterans, the Commons veterans affairs committee says in its final report to the 44th Parliament. The “legal semantics” of whether veterans were at war or not meant reduced disability benefits for 4,458 Canadians who served in Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm: “Wrong answer.”

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Few ‘Tangible Improvements’

Nine years of reconciliation have not led to “any tangible improvements in the qualify of life for Indigenous people,” says a Privy Council report. In-house focus group research found First Nations, Inuit and Métis questioned the point of cabinet’s friendship when many communities had undrinkable tap water: “Most did not feel the prioritization of this issue had led to any tangible improvements.”

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Automakers Predict Trouble

Automakers yesterday forecast trouble ahead with a signature climate change program after cabinet confirmed the abrupt phaseout of $5,000 federal rebates for electric car buyers. Cabinet had mandated that all Canadian may only buy an electric by 2035: “Sales targets are increasingly unrealistic.”

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Gov’t Polled On ‘Arab Rights’

Cabinet aides in pre-election polling asked Arab Canadians how the government could “promote the rights and safety of members of the Arab diaspora,” says a Privy Council report. No corresponding focus groups were held with Jewish Canadians: “Most felt the Government of Canada was on the wrong track.”

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