An Oddity In The Water

Fish and other marine life are responding to global warming with uncommonly high rates of migration to colder water, research shows. Analysis of historical data indicate climate-inspired movement is underway: “We are seeing changes in Canadian waters.”

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Trouble In The Laboratory

Federal researchers have rallied against funding cuts and purported censoring of scientists at Environment Canada, the National Research Council and other agencies. Investigators are probing complaints of a research gag: “Change comes from basic science.”

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“They Should Get An F”

Cabinet gets a poor reception as a communicator despite spending $10 million in TV ads to promote its 2013 budget. A confidential Department of Finance survey found most Canadians couldn’t recall the ads, or had vague memories of seeing a maple leaf and hearing the word “jobs”.

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Patrolling For Fees

The Canadian Coast Guard is reviewing its costs in advance of an anticipated hike in 2014 service fees for commercial shippers. Fee revenues now total $40 million a year: “The Coast Guard has not been a model of efficiency.”

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Must…Pay…Taxes (Aargh!)

Canada Revenue has won a ka-pow judgment against a cartoonist assessed a 10% penalty for repeatedly underreporting his taxable income. Auditors cited a Toronto animator who claimed a “simple oversight” when he failed to declare $55,702 in earnings: “The 10% penalty is devastating.”

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Another Tough Year

Factory, foundry and mill work continues to flatten with manufacturing jobs remaining below 10 percent of the national payroll, according to government analysts: “Companies don’t want to invest a lot in human capital when there is uncertainty out there.”

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Court Weighs Pension Feud

The Supreme Court has ruled legislatures may retroactively protect employee pension benefits even in the face of contradictory judgments by a lower court. The 5-2 decision came in the case of a Québec bakers’ pension fund left with a multi-million dollar deficit after a company shutdown.

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Looks Like A Long Winter

In another sign of a slow economy, new data show a steep drop in the rate of direct foreign investment in Canada. The rate fell 5 percent in the second quarter, along with declining foreign investments in Canadian stocks and bonds, deposits and the loonie: “You don’t want to invest in Canada if you think the dollar is going to keep falling.”

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“We Use Taxis”

Canada Post confirms it still uses taxis to deliver letters despite owning one of the largest vehicle fleets in the country. The Crown agency would not divulge the cost; the minister responsible for the post office, Lisa Raitt, refused comment: “We use taxis”.

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America’s “Appalling” In Trade Feud, Says Industry

Canadian critics of “appalling” U.S. behaviour blamed for billions in lost trade are pinning their hopes on a World Trade Organization hearing. The WTO on Sept. 25 will be asked to strike an investigatory panel into U.S. meat labeling, in a dispute that has dragged on five years: “Canada needs to respond forcefully.”

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No Action On Subsidies?

Infrastructure Canada vows it will meet its own deadline in detailing new public works subsidies, though local authorities caution that time for planning is running short. Funding agreements have yet to be finalized six months after subsidies were promised: “Municipalities are anxious.”

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An Intramural Dispute

The Prime Minister’s alma mater is criticizing Stephen Harper’s wireless policy as “inefficient” and likely “unsuccessful” in benefiting consumers. The University of Calgary’s School of Public Policy dismissed federal restrictions on big telecom firms as misguided: “We don’t have a competition problem.”

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