Poem: ‘What’s In The Water?’

 

Federal and provincial governments

to help Ottawa clean its river.

 

Huge storage tanks

will prevent raw sewage

from spilling into the waterway.

 

They all came for the announcement:

the Mayor, the MP, the MPP,

and the Federal Minister in charge.

 

It was a great photo-op:

a million citizens

– most of them toilet-trained –

are asking others to help in the clean-up

after using the washroom.

 

Just the place to be

if you’re a politician

with a healthy sense of

smell.

 

(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)

Food Co’s Self-Regulation Is Not Working, Senators Told

New federal taxes on sugar-laced drinks and bans on kids’ food ads are needed if Canada is to curb obesity rates, a Senate panel has been told. Renewed appeals for legislation follow Statistics Canada data that 62% of the country is overweight or obese: ‘It is more dangerous for children to eat junk food in front of the TV than it is to play in the park’.

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Judge Cites Gov’t Threat Of $178,000 ‘Anti-Terror’ Fines

The federal anti-terror watchdog has been cited by a judge for threatening a halal butcher with $178,000 in fines or imprisonment for helping customers send $50 payments to family overseas. Federal Court ruled the Financial Transactions & Reports Analysis Centre was arbitrary and unreasonable: “The number of ‘terrorists’ uncovered as a result of this program is very small if existent at all”.

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Court Rejects Drunk Defence

Drunkenness is no defence against arson, the Supreme Court has ruled. Justices in a unanimous 7-0 decision rejected the claims of a Brockville, Ont. man who said he was too drunk to realize he’d burned down his ex-girlfriend’s home: “It should not mitigate responsibility”.

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Bill Seeks Seniors’ Data Bank

A Commons bill would mandate a yearly statistical analysis of living conditions for people over 65. The proportion of pension-age Canadians is forecast to rise from 15 to of 24% of the country within a generation: “Canadians have a right to be worried”.

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Pharmacare Useful But Costly

Canada should consider a universal pharmacare program though costs could run to billions a year, a Parliament Hill conference has been told. Delegates speaking to a Liberal Senate Caucus session said an aging Canada faces rising expenses of pharmaceutical drugs: ““It is just a question of how many billions”.

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Baseball Feud Goes To Court

Baseball Commissioner Robert Manfred is being taken to Federal Court by a Canadian company embroiled in a five-year trademark dispute with the big leagues. The commissioner’s office objected to use of “All Star Baseball” to sell video games: ‘It’s confusing’.

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MPs Told: Go Easy On Interns

Onerous federal rules on interns may quash trainee programs, an employers’ group has cautioned MPs. Cabinet for the first time is citing limited intern protection under the Canada Labour Code: “There is a very important balance here”.

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Jail For Census Scofflaws Still On The Books As Repeal Fails

A private Conservative bill to repeal the little-used threat of jail for Canadians who refuse fill out census forms has failed in the Commons. MPs last night adjourned debate on the measure without allowing it to come to a final vote: “I would have thought the world had evolved”.

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Most Skip Remembrance Day

Less than a quarter of Canadians attend November 11 services despite millions spent on ads and promotions, says Department of Veterans Affairs research. The department’s in-house polling found most Canadians said they “participated” in remembrance by watching TV: “The results will help guide the department”.

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Judge OKs Air Security Check

A federal judge has upheld Transport Canada’s right to revoke airport security clearance for a flight attendant who’d worked in a biker bar. The ruling follows a series of lawsuits involving transport workers who lost their jobs on suspicion of criminality: “My client no longer gets to do the job she was qualified to do, and thoroughly enjoyed doing”.

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Veterans Protest 1812 Tribute

Veterans’ groups are protesting a cabinet plan to honour War of 1812 casualties in the nation’s most revered hall of remembrance for war dead. Canadian veterans of the Vietnam War, who are disqualified from a similar tribute, said the decision smacked of a double standard: “I don’t understand this”.

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Feds Check Grocers’ Subsidy

An Arctic grocers’ subsidy is undergoing a promised review to find if discounts are benefiting consumers. The Department of Northern Affairs yesterday said it will contract a claims processor to randomly check subsidy payments: “The objective of the program is to pass the subsidy on”.

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Took 7 Years To Notice Error

A federal employee mistakenly paid thousands of dollars in bonuses must return the money though it took the government seven years to notice the error, a tribunal has ruled. The dispute followed automatic payments to a former Department of Veterans Affairs manager of financial benefits: “It was most unfortunate”.

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