Sunday Poem: “Crystal Ball”

 

In the year 2056,

Chapters will announce

a major expansion

to its gift section,

boosting the display of

decorative pillows, scented candles, and

specialty teas.

Books may still be found

on the remaining shelf

near the emergency exit.

 

Gillette will introduce its new

– and revolutionary –

17-blade razor,

in stores

just in time for Father’s Day.

You wouldn’t believe

the smooth, close shave it delivers.

Nothing like its predecessor, the

16-blade model.

 

And in the House of Commons,

the Minister of Public Services and Procurement

will announce

that the remaining 6,000 pay issues

will be resolved

by Christmas.

 

(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)

MPs Demand Pandemic Files

The Commons votes Monday on whether to compel Health Minister Patricia Hajdu’s department to disclose records on early mismanagement of the pandemic, including mask shortages. MPs have sought the records since May 29: “The time for hiding stuff is over.”

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Find Oddity In Election Law

MPs yesterday questioned a quirk in the Canada Elections Act that allows cabinet to cancel general election balloting in any local riding due to a pandemic. Chief Electoral Officer Stéphane Perrault told the House affairs committee the scenario was “extreme” but possible: “Have you consulted with the Prime Minister?”

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Tornado Claim Is Overblown

There is no evidence Canada has more tornadoes now than it did in the past, says a senior Department of Environment meteorologist. Then-Environment Minister Catherine McKenna cited claims of increased tornado activity in sponsoring a 2019 motion to have Parliament declare a climate emergency: “I do not need to tell Canadians just about the science.”

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CBC-TV Gets A Covid Bailout

Cabinet proposes a pandemic bailout of CBC-TV to compensate for falling advertising revenue. The Crown broadcaster and Department of Canadian Heritage yesterday did not comment: “They’ve got to do more than just say, ‘Give us more money.'”

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19-Hour Filibuster Grinds On

A rolling filibuster of We Charity disclosures last night entered its nineteenth hour at the Commons finance committee. Liberal MPs killed time reciting Acts of Parliament, quoting Aristotle and reading emails and letters into the record line by line: “There is no corruption.”

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MPs Veto Corruption Probe

The Commons by a vote of 180 to 146 yesterday rejected a Special Committee on Anti-Corruption. New Democrat MPs joined with Liberals in dismissing the investigation: “They finagled and squirreled away the NDP’s vote but one has to keep up appearances.”

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More Seniors Than Kids In ’23

Canada by 2023 will have more seniors than children for the first time in the nation’s history, the Chief Actuary said yesterday. Researchers predicted total costs of old age pensions will climb to about six times the current military budget: “People will live longer and work longer.”

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Demand Ban On Slave Goods

A panel of MPs yesterday said Parliament must ensure federal agencies are not buying slave-made goods from China. The Department of Public Works has acknowledged it cannot be sure masks and other pandemic supplies it contracted in China were not made by forced labour: “It scares me greatly.”

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Paper Cheques Still Popular

The Department of Public Works spent nearly $2 million mailing pension payments last year following a failed scheme to abolish paper cheques. The program ended after more than a third of Canadians said they were wary of surrendering direct deposit information to the government: “I don’t trust it.”

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Fed Up With Conflict Probes

MPs huddled in late-night strategy sessions after Government House Leader Pablo Rodriguez threatened cabinet would resign and force an election to preempt committee investigations of federal contracting and conflicts of interest. A Commons vote is expected at 3:30 pm ET: “Is the government trying to hide something?”

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MPs Prepare For Winter Vote

The House affairs committee yesterday unanimously endorsed an election readiness motion on a chance the 43rd Parliament quickly unravels. MPs voted to “identify measures” needed to conduct a national vote in a pandemic: “An election could be approaching at any time. We don’t know when.”

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Feds Pay Media For Role Play

The Department of National Defence nearly tripled a budget to hire current and former reporters to coach officers on “media techniques”, say Access To Information records. Journalists were paid $750 a day to conduct fake interviews with employees: “There were exercises on how to hold a scrum.”

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