Never Heard Of $1.5B Plan

Cabinet’s signature ecological program remains little known though it was launched four years ago with a promised $1.5 billion in funding. “Relatively few Canadians have heard of the Oceans Protection Plan,” researchers wrote in a report for the Department of Transport.

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Pandemic Costs Post $66M

Canada Post lost $66 million in the first quarter of the year despite record spring shipments of parcels. The Crown corporation earlier blamed “fierce” competition from Amazon Canada: “The financial impact of Covid-19 is unknown.”

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Railway Loses $373,000 Daily

First Nations blockades and pandemic travel bans have cost VIA Rail more than a third of a million dollars a day, says management. The Crown railway predicted it could be headed for a record deficit this year: “It’s almost been impossible to get a handle on what is happening.”

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Zero Evidence Of Interference

A federal agency yesterday confirmed there was no foreign meddling in the 2019 campaign despite cabinet fears that Russian agents and fake news operatives would disrupt the vote. The finding came as a cabinet minister again claimed “trolls and bots” make the internet unsafe: “Can you elaborate on specific examples?”

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Grant Promise Not ‘Finalized’

The Department of Finance says it is still finalizing a pandemic program for children though Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced it three months ago. Trudeau in a TV message to Canadian youth said: “Whoever you are, whatever you need, we’re here for you.”

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Predict Only 1 in 10 Infected

Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam yesterday said fewer than one in ten Canadians will contract Covid-19 but would not release modeling data used to justify the forecast. One epidemiologist described the claim as “unscientific rubbish”.

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Not My Fault, Says Minister

Provinces are to blame for failing to stock up on pandemic supplies, says Health Minister Patricia Hajdu. Testifying at the Senate social affairs committee, Hajdu said the Public Health Agency “isn’t really in the business” of maintaining a national stockpile though Parliament created the Agency in 2004 specifically for pandemic preparedness: “What went wrong?”

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Big Waiver On Raw Sewage

Environment Minister Jonathan Wilkinson is granting municipalities a twenty-year waiver to keep dumping raw sewage in fish habitat. The regulatory notice follows a 2019 promise to “keep our waters safe, clean and well-managed”.

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Claim Heat Deaths, No Data

The Department of Environment predicts extreme heat will become a killer due to climate change, though data show more Canadians die in winter than summer. An earlier questionnaire of physicians nationwide concluded extreme heat is a rare problem: “They don’t consider it to be an issue.”

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Second Wave Is “Very Real”

The likelihood of a second, more severe wave of coronavirus infection is “reasonable” as the economy reopens, says the nation’s chief public health officer. Federal researchers predict as many as seventy percent of Canadians may become infected before the pandemic runs its course: “What is your plan?”

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“Astronaut In Rideau Hall”

 

The Governor General

could go easy

on those who prefer astrology, alternative medicine,

or biblical stories,

over facts and reason.

 

After all,

evolution didn’t only create

scientists and engineers.

 

It also created the artists, the spiritualists,

and the climate change skeptics.

 

And those who follow the scriptures

and believe in divine intervention

could forgive the Governor General.

 

After all,

God extends His grace

to the atheists too.

 

(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)

Auditors Target U.S. Property

The Canada Revenue Agency yesterday said it will review six years’ worth of U.S. real estate transactions in a hunt for Canadians with unreported income. Auditors will examine “current and historical records”, the Agency said: “Penalties and interest associated with unreported real estate sales can be substantial.”

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Wife’s Charity To Run Grants

Cabinet yesterday appointed Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s favourite charity to manage a pandemic grant relief program. The Prime Minister’s wife has appeared as an “official ambassador” and public speaker at We Charity events in New York: “I’m curious how that’s not a conflict of interest?”

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