The Department of Health yesterday acknowledged problems with the scope and speed of crucial Covid-19 testing among Canadians. MPs in contact with virus carriers waited days in self-quarantine: “There are concerns with the speed of testing being done in Canada.”
Prison wardens cannot deduct a hundred percent of inmates’ pay without permission to settle court fines, says a federal judge. The ruling came in the case of a convicted fraudster whose pay was taken to settle a $9,962 fine for forgery: ‘He had a lengthy criminal record.’
Cabinet will not postpone a scheduled fifty percent increase in the carbon tax on gasoline amid Covid-19 recession fears. The tax hike takes effect April 1 under legislation Parliament passed two years ago: “We are very aware.”
Parliament returns today to pass a Covid-19 aid bill MPs have already dismissed as inadequate. Legislators warned small business is “getting hammered” in the service sector: “We’re seeing our downtown boarded up.”
The federal Public Health Agency yesterday said it had no data on how long it takes Canadians to get tested for Covid-19, or the extent of a backlog at the National Microbiology Laboratory in Winnipeg. “This seems very concerning,” said one MP who shook hands with a virus carrier.
Canada Post yesterday asked that householders stop opening their doors for parcel deliveries. A public health officer said there was no medical reason why postal workers should be at greater risk of contracting the Covid-19 virus: “I’m not quite sure what the risk would be.”
A federally-funded agency is complaining of “sensational” Covid-19 coverage by news media. The Mental Health Commission of Canada named no newsrooms but cited “bright red news banners”. The website of the World Health Organization carries a bright red news banner: ‘It reinforces the threat signal.’
A Conservative MP in self-quarantine after shaking hands with a Covid-19 carrier says he’s been unable to get tested. The Public Health Agency acknowledged a severe backlog in meeting requests for testing by Canadians with reason to suspect they may be infected: “I sat in the House of Commons and met lots of people.”
Cabinet’s former leader in the Senate took a six-figure corporate appointment only days after leaving his position, records show. Senator Peter Harder (Ont.) did not reply to questions. Federal law mandates a year-long cooling off period for public office holders who look for work in the private sector: “Terrific.”
New regulations on U.S.-bound drivers were so confusing Canada Border Services Agency managers were struggling to grasp the rules only hours before curbs took effect at 12:01 am Saturday. Customs officers cited “wild” lineups amid Covid-19 traffic restrictions: “Officers are frustrated and concerned.”
Telus Communications Inc. in a notice to customers said it was “doing our part to keep Canadians healthy” by suspending all paper billing. The notice came only days after federal regulators allowed a Telus subsidiary to end paper invoices amid consumer protests: “This looks like an excuse in bad taste.”
Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation effective tomorrow will insure cheaper thirty-year mortgages for the first time since 2006. Cabinet called it a temporary measure prompted by the Covid-19 pandemic: “The government will do whatever it takes.”
Select employers are allowed to continue hiring migrant labour providing they quarantine workers on arrival here, says the Department of Employment. Migrants working for farmers and seafood processors were granted exemptions from a general travel ban on foreigners: “We can avoid a mass outbreak?”
If you visit the university campus,
you can spot a chemistry student
in the men’s washroom.
He is the one
washing his hands
before using the facility.
If you visit Parliament,
you can spot a cabinet member
in the House of Commons.
He is the one
washing his hands
while standing up,
answering a question.
(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)
Parliament is pocketing a $2.5 million pay hike amid the Covid-19 pandemic and recession fears. The April 1 bonus takes effect without debate under terms of a bill one former MP called “indecent”.
