1833 Landmark Is Privatized

Cabinet has approved the private sale of a 40-foot piece of Canadiana to a New York family. The 1833 Nine Point Mile Lighthouse, oldest on the Great Lakes, will be sold by the Department of Fisheries to American cottagers: “This should belong to Canadians, for Canadians.”

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14% Of Women Live To 100

Fourteen percent of Canadian women aged 20, and eight percent of men, will live to 100, predicts Canada’s Chief Actuary. Cabinet would not say if future Canada Pension Plan premium hikes are necessary: “Retirement is expensive.”

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Senators Kill Lavalin Probe

A last chance at full public hearings on the SNC-Lavalin Group Inc. political scandal vanished last night amid Senate horse-trading. A motion to summon testimony from the Prime Minister and nine others was quietly withdrawn following a “signed agreement” between party leaders, Blacklock’s learned: “An understanding was reached.”

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Test Belts For 20,000 Buses

Transport Canada yesterday told the Commons transport committee it will conduct first-ever road tests on school bus seatbelts this year, in a Saskatchewan pilot project. Any new regulations mandating seatbelts would cost school boards up to $20,000 per vehicle refit, the equivalent of $400 million nationwide: “We know there is a cost.”

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$2M Pot Campaign A Bust

Department of Public Safety research indicates a $1.9 million anti-drug driving ad campaign was ineffective. Nearly half of cannabis users targeted by advertising described it as irrelevant: “Young users are not aware it impairs driving.”

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To ‘Extend Scope’ Of French

Cabinet will broaden enforcement of the 1969 Official Languages Act, the Commons languages committee was told yesterday. The committee in a 2017 report recommended that fines be imposed on scofflaws: “Do we need to change the Commissioner’s powers?”

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Appeal For GMO Labeling

Advocates yesterday appealed to the Commons agriculture committee for mandatory labeling of genetically modified foods. Federal regulators on April 2 licensed the country’s first engineered fish farm: “I would have thought it was an April Fool’s joke.”

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Fed Payroll Backlog Is 437,000

Federal agencies are running a backlog of 437,000 garbled financial transactions affecting employees, the Senate national finance committee was told last night. The collapse of the failed Phoenix Pay System has prompted thousands of union grievances and cost taxpayers more than $1 billion, not including compensation claims or legal fees: “Lesson learned: You just don’t hit a button and hope something magically works.”

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Created Jobs At $69K Apiece

A federal agency yesterday credited billions in subsidies with “creating” 29,000 jobs in Ontario, the equivalent of 0.4 percent of the provincial workforce. The Federal Economic Development Agency for Southern Ontario did not explain its figures: “There was a discussion around a vision statement.”

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Senator Talked Too Much

An Alberta Senator is apologizing for disclosing minutes of a closed-door committee hearing to her 46,900 Twitter followers and 8,700 Facebook friends. Paula Simons (Independent), a former Edmonton Journal columnist, kept the posts up even after other legislators protested: “This was not a simple slip of the tongue.”

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Lay Off Football, Says C.F.L.

CFL Commissioner Randy Ambrosie yesterday told MPs a “singular focus on concussions magnified by media” is ruining the sport. Testifying at a Commons special committee on sports-related brain injury, Ambrosie said a major problem facing athletics is “too many kids are not playing sports”.

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Hints At Gun Rules “Later”

Any national handgun ban will have to wait until after an October 21 election, Border Security Minister Bill Blair yesterday suggested at the Senate national security committee. Blair said he hoped to release recommendations to cabinet by June in the last days of the 42nd Parliament: “Frankly, we’re not afraid to consider anything.”

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