Food “Regulation” A Failure

Ten years of self-regulation by kids’ food and beverage marketers has been a failure, say doctors. Health advocates urged the Senate social affairs committee to pass a Conservative bill to ban ads targeting children: “Legislation will mean a fair fight.”

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Slogans A Focus Group Flop

Heritage department proposals for a catchy Canada 150 slogan fell flat with focus groups, show newly-released data. Three slogans written by federal staff were rated clichéd, vague and tiresome: “It’s trying too hard to be cool and young.”

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Vow No GST-Free Carbon

Cabinet will oppose a private bill to make its carbon tax GST exempt. Authorities yesterday did not detail anticipated revenues from a 5% federal sales tax on carbon levies to take effect in 2018: “It’s like Jedi mind control.”

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Worry Elections Aren’t Clean

The Senate legal affairs committee yesterday urged election reforms to prohibit foreign lobbyists from financing campaign-related activity. Senators detailed no evidence of foreign interference in past elections: “There are suspicions galore.”

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Historic Feud Still Simmering

A Senate panel has endorsed a bill to proclaim Charlottetown a birthplace of Confederation, but only after mentioning Québec City, too. The Senate legal affairs committee yesterday struck a compromise on wording in a bid to settle ancient rivalries over the origins of Canada: “I’m not for historical revision.”

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Bank Whistleblowers Testify

Former bank employees yesterday told the Commons finance committee that staff are pressured into signing consumers to unnecessary products without informed consent. Witnesses said regulation by the bank-funded Financial Consumer Agency of Canada is ineffective: ‘There is something called incentive pay.’

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Spam Compensation Nixed

Cabinet yesterday shelved a regulation allowing consumers to file $200 compensation claims over computer spam. The law was to come into force July 1. Retailers and marketers anticipated a flood of nuisance lawsuits: “We have listened.”

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No Forgiveness Of 1990 Debt

A British Columbia widower pleading poverty has lost a Federal Court appeal for forgiveness of a six-figure tax debt. So-called remission orders are uncommon and must be approved by cabinet: “He said his wife died in 2004 largely because of the stress and financial problems caused by the Canada Revenue Agency.’

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RCMP Union Bill Approved

The Senate yesterday passed a bill into law that sanctions an RCMP union for the first time in the Mounties’ 97-year history. Senators noted cabinet was forced to amend an original 2016 bill that restricted police bargaining powers: ‘We have a responsibility to pay the RCMP a fair wage.’

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Repealing Monty Python Law

Cabinet is repealing an obscure federal law against blasphemous libel. Prosecutors last used the Criminal Code provision to charge distributors of the 1979 Monty Python film Life Of Brian: “Just because people assume it is a dead letter law doesn’t mean it can’t come back.”

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Feds Still Pay WWI Pensions

Veterans Affairs Canada continues to pay more than $100,000 a month in pension benefits for service in the First World War. The department said 99 years after the Armistice, dozens of widows and orphans of First War infantrymen still draw survivors’ benefits.

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Little Cash For Lead Poison

There is little chance of federal funding to replace lead water lines supplying older homes across Canada, says the Department of Infrastructure. Members of the Commons transport committee yesterday warned lead-tainted tap water is a national health issue: ‘Most vulnerable are young children in older homes.’

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