“Mister Speaker”: A Poem

 

Sarah Silverman

thinks

we can laugh about everything,

but had she witnessed

the Canadian Government

refusing to answer a question

in the House of Commons

she wouldn’t have considered it funny,

and had she heard the Speaker

saying Question Period

isn’t Answer Period

– letting elected officials

reiterate the irrelevant –

she would have thought

it was even less amusing;

that’s why

Paul Calandra

and Andrew Scheer

can’t be found

in any of Sarah’s jokes,

in case you were

wondering.

 

(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)

Expect Lawsuits On New Act

A federal drug recall bill yesterday was signed into law on expectations pharmaceutical companies will sue over its provisions. Bill C-17 compels drug firms to surrender “confidential business information” for any prescription medicine deemed to pose an imminent risk to Canadians: “I’m being sued right now”.

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Unions Must OK Pension Cut

Cabinet will not strip Crown employees’ pension plans of guaranteed benefits without the approval of retirees, says a senior Conservative. Senator Claude Carignan, government leader in the Senate, said pending changes to the largest pension plans in the country will not proceed without unions’ approval: “Is that what you said?”

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‘Job Credit’ Worth $350: Feds

Small businesses will save about $350 next year under a much-vaunted Job Credit program, officials confirm. The Parliamentary Budget Office has estimated the scheme will create a total of 800 new jobs over two years: “How much paperwork will this take for 350 bucks?”

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Calls For A Ministry Of Cities

Cabinet should adopt a national urban strategy similar to programs in the U.S. and U.K., say opposition MPs. New Democrats yesterday released a White Paper lamenting the “patchwork” of federal oversight on housing, transportation and infrastructure: “Canada needs a national agenda”.

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30 Day Cancellation Is Nixed

Telecom companies can no longer force subscribers to serve 30 days’ notice to cancel cable TV or internet service, the federal broadcast regulator has ruled. The CRTC abolished the practice effective January 23: ‘Having to pay for another 30 days of service you don’t want doesn’t make sense’.

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Don’t Know, Don’t Tell: CTA Fails Over Travel Complaints

The Canadian Transportation Agency in confidential documents says it hears only a tiny fraction of air passenger complaints and has no idea of airlines’ actual performance on flight delays, lost luggage and over-booking. Regulators did conclude Air Canada’s on-time rating was “at or near” the bottom: “The airlines have the big stick”.

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C-377 Dragnet Will Sweep Up Small Business, Senators Told

Canadian firms that have even limited dealings with trade unions will see confidential details of contracts and payments divulged by law under Bill C-377, the Senate has been told. Critics cited a section of the bill compelling disclosure of payments to contractors under threat of $1,000-a day fines: “There will be two tiers of businesses in this country”.

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Tribunal Takeover Completed

Cabinet has assumed direct supervision of eleven federal tribunals amid warnings the move is wide open to legal challenge at the World Trade Organization. The government yesterday confirmed effective November 1 the panels will answer directly to the Minister of Justice: “There is a lot here that nobody read and didn’t understand, and they passed it anyway”.

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Calls Pact A ‘Crippling’ Blow

Canada’s cheese industry may be ‘crippled’ by low-cost imports under a European trade pact, say dairy processors. Executives told the Senate agriculture committee that Canadian industry cannot cut costs deep enough to stem an “influx of cheese” from France, Denmark and other producers: “Other countries have reduced subsidies”.

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BB Gun Is A Weapon: Court

The Supreme Court has decided even BB guns are weapons under the Criminal Code. Justices dismissed an appeal by an Ottawa man arrested for carrying a “concealed weapon”, an unloaded air gun shaped like a pistol: “It’s an important case”.

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C-377 Lobbyist A PMO Guest

A lobbyist promoting a contentious federal labour bill was invited by the Prime Minister to join cabinet members on an expense-paid trade mission to Germany. Documents released through Access to Information show the president of Merit Canada, a coalition of non-union contractors, was personally asked to join the Prime Minister on a trip to Berlin last March 25: ‘They can’t miss a chance to poke labour’.

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OK To Videotape Employees

A federal labour panel has upheld the use of surveillance cameras to discipline employees. The decision came in the case of a British Columbia prison guard caught on videotape propping open a control room door in breach of rules: “There is no reasonable expectation of privacy”.

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Budget Office Denied Figures

Federal departments have failed to comply with nearly half of requests for details on how they spend public funds, according to the Parliamentary Budget Officer. Jean-Denis Fréchette expressed frustration with officialdom’s resistance to disclosure: “Going back to court is not off the table”.

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