A Poem: “Hang ‘Em Higher”

 

Liberal strategists

scramble to find a response

to Harper’s Tough on Crime bill.

 

“Under our administration,” suggests the first,

“Convicted murderers

could only watch black-and-white TV!”

 

“And only Algerian hockey!”

says the second.

 

“And we’ll remove the Sunshine Girl page from their newspaper!”

says the third.

 

“Oh, and Friday will be Tofu-and-Cilantro Day!”

declares the fourth.

 

“What if they don’t eat it?”

asks the fifth.

 

“Then no Timbits!”

replies the sixth.

 

“I think we’ve nailed it!”

says the seventh.

 

 

(Editor’s note: poet Shai Ben-Shalom, an Israeli-born biologist, examines current events in the Blacklock’s tradition each and every Sunday)

Union Win Over Biblical Law

A federal air traffic controller who sought exemption from union membership as a fundamentalist Christian has lost his bid in the Court of Appeal. The employee’s church, Protestant Reformed Christian, considers unions a violation of the Ten Commandments: “Our church is quite conservative”.

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Coast Guard Is “Insufficient”

Transport delays due to heavy ice in the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence Seaway underscore a need for more Coast Guard icebreakers on the vital link, say shippers. One week after the opening of the Seaway season, the Canadian Shipowners Association said freighters face considerable delays: “It is affecting commerce”.

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CRTC Upholds Robocall Rule

Telecom regulators have upheld a ruling that bill collectors are subject to a ban on so-called robocalls, the use of automatic dialing announcing devices. The CRTC drew protests over the 2014 order restricting unsolicited calls: “Auto diallers are mostly used for harassment”.

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Studied To Avoid Gibberish

The Department of Public Safety spent thousands of dollars having employees attend a university workshop on how to write news releases and memos without “gobbledygook”. The spending was detailed in accounts tabled in Parliament: “With email, people don’t do as much structured writing as they should”.

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Wheat Board Lawsuit Failed

A farmers’ class action lawsuit against privatization of the Canadian Wheat Board has failed at the Supreme Court. Justices dismissed the case that saw growers complain cabinet’s plan amounted to unlawful expropriation: ‘They have basically destroyed it’.

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Bills Laced With ‘Poison Pills’ Says Confidential Duffy Diary

Cabinet privately boasted of inserting “poison pills” in legislation it knew would draw protest if scrutinized, according to documents filed in Ontario court. The disclosure is contained in the private diary of Senator Mike Duffy, on trial for fraud and breach and trust: “This speaks to motive”.

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Claim Full Speed On EU Pact

Cabinet is promising full speed ahead on a Canada-European Union trade pact, but given no sign on when it will introduce a bill to ratify the treaty. The agreement was signed in principle in 2013: “Canada is known for doing what we say we’re going to do”.

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Pass Bill But Feels “Very Sad”

Passage of a contentious Cold War bill commemorating the fall of Saigon is a “very sad” initiative, the Commons heritage committee has been told. MPs approved the bill to annually observe the April 30, 1975 collapse of South Vietnam: “It is a very malevolent attack”.

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Lawsuit In Toxic Waste Case

Environmental attorneys have filed a court application in what they call a crucial test of corporate responsibility for industrial fallout. Lawyers for Ecojustice seek a court order to clean up the site of an abandoned Ontario smelter: “If this case isn’t successful it is a huge blow”.

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Cabinet Ends Small Payments

Cabinet has abolished most government cheques under $2 retroactive to April 1. The order followed a public outcry over the mailing of a 1¢ cheque to the family of a deceased war veteran: “Something like this should never happen again”.

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Inventor Wins Fed Tax Credit

A millionaire inventor has won a Tax Court claim against the Canada Revenue Agency over credits for developing the world’s tiniest printer. The agency had disqualified $153,316 in tax credits for Raja Singh Tuli after concluding his invention was routine engineering: ‘I give him the benefit of the doubt’.

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Seal Bill Pokes Euro ‘Enemies’

European Union lawmakers responsible for a ban on Canadian seal products are “nature’s worst enemies”, says a Conservative Senator. The remarks came in debate on a Liberal bill to proclaim a national day in support of the Atlantic seal hunt: ‘These pseudo-ecologists give Canadians a reputation of being knife and club-wielding animal killers’.

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Bell Is Cited On Data Mining

Canada’s privacy commissioner is urging that Bell Canada limit its monitoring of subscriber habits for targeted advertising. The company agreed to reforms, but claimed privacy worries were a “minimal concern” for customers: “A lot of industry relies on consumer ignorance”.

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