Admits Bill Breaks Treaties

Any federal bill to legalize cannabis would breach three international treaties, admits Health Minister Dr. Jane Philpott. The Minister’s remarks yesterday in Senate Question Period confirmed a 2016 parliamentary report that legalizing marijuana violates global treaties dating from 1961: “We would not want to put Canadians’ travel in jeopardy.”

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1 in 3 Opposing Immigration

A third of Canadians say the country is letting in too many immigrants, according to in-house polling by Citizenship Canada. The research was done as cabinet proposed to raise immigration quotas to 300,000 this year: “Do you feel there are too many?”

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Fake Death Firing Is Upheld

A federal labour board has upheld the firing of a government employee who lied about her father’s death to spend paid bereavement leave on a Mexican beach. The complainant was sunk by Facebook postings of her sun holiday: “Gonna be a tequila sunrise.”

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Faulted On Property Rights

Canada is weak in enforcing intellectual property rights, a Senate Liberal forum was told yesterday. The remarks echoed 2016 criticism by Apple Inc. that Canada trails the U.S. and European Union in protecting trademarks, patents and copyrights: “We are doing a poorer job than a banana republic.”

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Seek Audits On Loan Losses

Senators are seeking internal audits of Canada Student Loan losses following another large write-off of uncollectable debts. Write-offs cost taxpayers $178.4 million this year, following $176 million in losses the previous year: “We’re looking at performance and results.”

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A Dire Demographic Outlook

Atlantic Canada faces a disastrous demographic bubble that may leave the region in debt and perpetual stagnation, say economists. Witnesses yesterday told the Senate national finance committee the region’s challenges are dire: “I don’t think anybody knows what to do.”

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Unions Losing, Senate Told

Parliament should stem a decline in private sector unionization rates, says a Liberal senator. Legislators yesterday urged repeal of two Conservative union bills described by cabinet as anti-labour: “Unions are losing that delicate balance.”

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Large Heads In The RCMP

Mounties have large heads, according to a new order for the RCMP’s famous Stetsons. Hat sizes are also typically larger in Western Canada, said one manufacturer: “What I have noticed is the younger generation has bigger heads.”

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Must Show Spending Results

Parliament has spent billions on public works subsidies without any clear accounting of results, says the Senate national finance committee. Senators yesterday cited a “bewildering” array of infrastructure programs run through 31 separate federal agencies and departments: “Let’s keep it simple.”

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